When Love is all there is -Part 2
Mr. Schwartz is an extremely successful businessman, has all the money
in the world yet unfortunately he and his wife can't have children. They
are happy people but they deeply feel that something is missing -they
are missing out. He remembers that he has a distant relative in
Yerushalayim, Mr. Goldberg who is a poor as a church mouse. He and his
wife have been blessed with knein a hara
14 children but unfortunately they have no means of support. Their kids
have literally nothing in their lives. In short, Mr. Schwartz travels
to Yerushalayim to visit his distant relatives the Goldberg's and is
planning on offering them 10 million dollars for one of their children.
It's a perfect deal. The Schwartz's will get a child of their own and
the Goldberg's will have enough money to support their family and give
all the rest whatever they need. What do you think happens?
All the money in the world isn't worth 1 child. But wait Mr. Goldberg,
you and your wife can completely change the way you live for the rest of
your lives? There is no amount of money worth your child. Love-That's
what I'm talking about! We have no idea how much love we do have inside -
we often have absolutely no idea as how to access it. We walk around
occupied with ourselves - justifiably so. It's just weird though to have
such unrealized capacity. It's like you gave a beggar pushing a bubby
cart 1 million dollars in a box along with newspapers. He accepts your
gift but only sees the newspapers and puts the box on the bottom of his
bubby cart. He has a million dollars but he doesn't know it. He shleeps
it around with him wherever he goes. In a sense often we are poor
shleppers in our ability to love in a relative sense. Would you
physically fight for your child? of course! Step in front of a bullet?
of course! run a marathon to save their live? of course! There is almost
nothing we wouldn't do for one of our children.
Where does this capacity come from? And what is Love?
Our sages teach us that the Almighty is infinite and perfect in every
way. He/she has no needs in anyway. In truth there is nothing that we
can do for God. He doesn't need us to make him the worlds most read
author, he certainly doesn't need us to fix his world for him. A perfect
love is when you don't need something from the other. God created us
out of this pure love. But if God is one how do we exist? The Kabbalah
teaches us an analogy. It's like God constricted himself and allowed
"other" to exist. He/she made himself small or smaller to allow other
(us) in it's imperfect state to not only exist but to nurture and
nourish life. Absolutely altruistic, our life is a gift an opportunity
to receive the gifts of God and create something beautiful for ourselves
and others but there is nothing we can do to change the love of God for
us. (The only possible thing is that our ugly actions can obfuscate
that love where we only see ourselves. God and us (a preoccupation of
self) can't stand in the same meta-physical space. It's either he or I
This love is all natural with our kids. We have less
sense of ourselves and our own needs for our children but of course we
see our children as extensions of ourselves. We are really "one" with
our children. Their highs are our highs and their lows are our lows. The
Gemara teaches us about this love. It's like cutting a piece of bread
with a knife with your right hand and you accidentally slip and create a
small little wound in your left hand. Your left hand doesn't swipe the
knife away and take revenge by cutting the right hand! It's all one! The
children are like ourselves -unconditional love. We don't see a
scenario ever of a Mr. Schwartz who gather his children around the
dining room table and says the following " Kids, I love you and I really
have loved you but..... we have been kind of growing a part.... and
look I met these Goldberg kids and they are really cute and nice, they
don't give me as much trouble, we don;t have as much as common as we
used to .... so I'm sorry to say this but I'd like to split up and I'm
going to love with the Goldberg kids....
It's amazing how we can
readily do this with our wives (who we chose) versus our kids who we
would never do this (are accidents of birth) How ironic is this?
Reb Noach Weinberg taught us that the purpose of this unconditional
love for our kids and our ability to see past ourselves is to have a
living an example in our lives (our love for our kids) that we can learn
from and to extend those lessons and apply them to our spouses. From
our spouses to all others. The primary dictate of the Torah as Hillel
said "that which is hateful to your brother don't do -the rest of the
Torah is commentary" - Love your neighbor as yourself. All of Torah
can be learned from here.
Shoshie exhibited this grace to all
others naturally. What was it that she was unconsciously doing and what
is it that we can consciously do? How do we realize our great potential
for unconditional love and change our lives and the world? We are
created with this capacity-why be a little like the beggar schlepper
with a million dollars on the bottom of the bubby basket?
truth is I have to get Devori out the door, wake Moshe, get Shaya up to
do his homework that we didn't do last night and hope that Ellie doesn't
wake up yet. Later today, bli neder I will share a proactive, simple,
and relevant way to increase love at every step of the way.