Sunday, May 19, 2013

Last thing! from Mike & Denise ( this is a more cleaned up version)
We are passing through the threshold of Shaloshim with the Holiday of Shavuos. As expected, our last few weeks have been the scariest roller coaster ride imaginable. We have had some decent moments but many, many days where we just can't believe what has happened and what is going on. It's not really possible to process such a thing. Don't things happen to others.... in the movies, maybe to someone in Nebraska but around the corner? Isn't this just a big fat joke? a dream? I know we buried her but isn't she coming home from Miami soon? How do you live without one of your kids? I mean really! I think we really have emunah- but the role that we have to play in the succeeding acts of life seem at this moment unbearable. My brother passed away when I was 21. There was life before Gary, there was a new life after Gary. Here too life before Shoshie and ..... we have no idea what our lives will be like after Shoshie. It is just not imaginable now. A few good things! There has been a lot of peace in the home. The kids are doing - well I am not really sure but as well as can be expected. It is a unfolding sugia moment to moment. Denise is unbelievable. The first moments today after the Siyum - where Shaloshim and the restrictions of mourning have ended - we get in the car and it would have been reasonable to expect someone to say "crank up the radio"- ( We weren't listening to music from the start of Sefira until potentially today in the car- a full 49 days) - No -one said turn the radio up. Denise got out Seforim and we learned the Mitzvots for the Siyum at BRS 2nd day of Shavuos. I am and was so proud of Denise. There we were learning Torah - uplifted by the Siyum today at the Miami Yeshiva and just took that energy forward. And I don't want to forget to say how proud I am of Moshe who spoke today at the Yeshiva about being there as a people for one another and fighting for each other. And of course Devori is always amazing and Yossi made a siyum. Baruch Hashem - the family has bli ayin hara stepped up and I am proud of them.

Although there is an untouchable void inside our kishkas- a devastation that is still so raw and not healed in any way (when you see me please don't ask me how I am - I am liable to say a nasty remark back) , Denise and I have been uplifted, blown away and in some way comforted by all the learning, the Mitzvot, the meals etc etc - also the fact that you've read my stuff, made comments on the Shoshie face-book page. You have made us feel that we matter, we count, -you have tried and succeeded to take away just an itsy bitsy measure of pain- and that is really saying a lot. We have at times been so energized by the measurable spiritual growth that has transpired in the last few weeks. I mean is anyone really seeing all of the great things that have happened and are happening? I have thought what if our daughter died and all of this didn't happen as a result of her passing? She didn't die in vain! This is all leading us all somewhere better. Let's be better because of this tragedy, let's light up our families, each other and the world! Let's grow up and love! May all of your kindness, care, concern and love that you have all shown for us be a receptacle for you and your families to receive Gods divine blessing of Shalom Bayis, Nachas from your children, good health and Parnassa. May we all together -ish echad-lav echad are merit to usher in Moshiach, may we know no more tzar ever. and may Hashem manifest his majesty and glory over all of humanity for us to recognize "Hashem is one and his name is One"

Chag Samaach

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