·
Now,
aside from the fact that Uri is an amazingly healthy 14 year old and the fact
that Uri is totally secure with himself, his place in the family –not
threatened by his brother’s greatness at all
·
The
issue to explore here is Yoel is he really normal? Is he just bottling up his
frustrations in life and just goes crazy- out of the home? Maybe he hunts,
maybe he dances at all kinds of hours at South Beach, maybe he just goes out
and annoys people
·
What
does Yoel understand that so many do not
·
Yoel
understands that the true measure of a person, the true barometer of personal
greatness it all starts when he gets
home and that’s where his quest for true greatness really starts
·
He
understands that he is a %100 responsible and accountable to the people he
loves most and that love him most.
·
What’s
a home? A place to nurture and to be nurtured – a place to respect one another
a place to feel cared for and loved
·
An
opportunity to make the greatest difference in the lives of your parents and
siblings and allow them to make a difference in yours
·
The
shocker is that the people that you naturally and normally take most for
granted –are the people that are the
most important and first priority in your life
·
It
is sometimes because of the true intimacy of the relationship the underlying
subconscious unconditional love for one another that tends to cause you to
overlook the respect owed to the people who love you most, do for you most
·
Have
you heard the way that we sometimes speak to each other in our homes?
·
It’s
an amazing paradox –It’s because of the sub- consciousness feeling that no
matter what I really do, no matter what I really say - my parents, my siblings
will be there for me
·
If
I was on the other side of the world and I called for help they would come
running no matter what kind of trouble, situation or challenge I was in
·
The
unconditional love of a family actually prevents us from fulfilling and
excelling at how we treat our family members – how we honor our parents –and
how we love our siblings – Love your neighbor
as yourself starts at home
·
When
Yoel gets home he doesn’t just let his hair down and indulge in himself alone
·
He
is oriented towards gratitude for his parents – how can I be of help? What can
I do for you? How can I give you nachas
·
How
can I make my parents and siblings feel valued, strong, appreciated and important
·
The
Torah teaches the lesson that how you act in your home to your parents, wife,
husband and siblings are the true measure of the person
·
In
the book named Ethics of our fathers there is a teaching that people commonly
translate as “ don’t judge a person until you stand in their shoes” – that is a
beautiful idea and a true Torah teaching
·
The
real literal translation is you can’t judge a person until you have arrived at
their place – where is a person’s place?-their home.
·
When
someone teaches us an obvious truth, our natural internal response is like yeah
that’s true, yeah I know that , tell me something I don’t know –it is so hard
to listen to something that is obviously true – you tune out and turn off
·
But
the question is not whether or not it is true but “ do you live with that truth” or not
·
Many
people, a lot of the time are not living with the idea that the measure of man
is how he really acts at home –behind closed doors when no-one is looking
·
Don’t
judge him until you are able to see him at home with his wife, husband,
siblings and children
·
So
why do people often act better to others outside of the home than the people
who give them unconditional love?
·
The
need for honor, approval, recognition, affirmation, validation, to be liked, to
be beloved,
·
I
need and want these “others” outside of this house to help me know that I am
truly great, I am truly worthwhile, I am truly awesome
·
But
I can’t do it myself, I desperately need your help “the people outside of the
house ” to fill that whole inside
·
The
bigger the whole inside, the more I don’t believe that I am great the more I
need you
·
If
our hole is too great – not only do I not believe myself, but I know that you
in the household don’t believe in me either.
·
And
if the hole isn’t too great –my household they don’t really count – they aren’t
objective - of course that’s how they feel good about me but it isn’t
necessarily true
·
But
if I know that I am good – really good – I accept myself – feel good about
myself –I don’t need a whole lot of verification from the outside to complete
me
·
And
then…..I can focus on you –others in the house. In fact there seems to be a general and direct
correlation so often that those who crave so much honor, recognition,
admiration and fame from the outside, all that craving for self completion
·
the
worse I do in my home with my wife, husband, children and siblings,
·
And
the worse thing about it – is that the more you crave, even when get the
validation from the outside, you don’t wind up believing it either
·
And
how hideous - You wind up sacrificing the relationships and the people that you
hold most sacred for the illusion of self completion that you are seeking in
desperation
·
The
answer is inside of us – to see our true beauty, true magnificence, our spark is
none other than God himself –Like Yoel
·
When
we can feel good about ourselves like Yoel – we won’t miss the opportunities in
our lives to make the people in our lives to feel valued, strong and loved
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