Thursday, August 29, 2013

Letting Our Hair Down -Should We? -Part 2

·         Now, aside from the fact that Uri is an amazingly healthy 14 year old and the fact that Uri is totally secure with himself, his place in the family –not threatened by his brother’s greatness at all

·         The issue to explore here is Yoel is he really normal? Is he just bottling up his frustrations in life and just goes crazy- out of the home? Maybe he hunts, maybe he dances at all kinds of hours at South Beach, maybe he just goes out and annoys people

·         What does Yoel understand that so many do not

·         Yoel understands that the true measure of a person, the true barometer of personal greatness  it all starts when he gets home and that’s where his quest for true greatness really starts

·         He understands that he is a %100 responsible and accountable to the people he loves most and that love him most.

·         What’s a home? A place to nurture and to be nurtured – a place to respect one another a place to feel cared for and loved

·         An opportunity to make the greatest difference in the lives of your parents and siblings and allow them to make a difference in yours

·         The shocker is that the people that you naturally and normally take most for granted –are the people that  are the most important and first priority in your life

·         It is sometimes because of the true intimacy of the relationship the underlying subconscious unconditional love for one another that tends to cause you to overlook the respect owed to the people who love you most, do for you most

·         Have you heard the way that we sometimes speak to each other in our homes?

·         It’s an amazing paradox –It’s because of the sub- consciousness feeling that no matter what I really do, no matter what I really say - my parents, my siblings will be there for me

·         If I was on the other side of the world and I called for help they would come running no matter what kind of trouble, situation or challenge I was in

·         The unconditional love of a family actually prevents us from fulfilling and excelling at how we treat our family members – how we honor our parents –and how we love our  siblings – Love your neighbor as yourself starts at home

·         When Yoel gets home he doesn’t just let his hair down and  indulge in himself alone 

·         He is oriented towards gratitude for his parents – how can I be of help? What can I do for you? How can I give you nachas

·         How can I make my parents and siblings feel valued, strong, appreciated and important

·         The Torah teaches the lesson that how you act in your home to your parents, wife, husband and siblings are the true measure of the person

·         In the book named Ethics of our fathers there is a teaching that people commonly translate as “ don’t judge a person until you stand in their shoes” – that is a beautiful idea and a true Torah teaching

·         The real literal translation is you can’t judge a person until you have arrived at their place – where is a person’s place?-their home.

·         When someone teaches us an obvious truth, our natural internal response is like yeah that’s true, yeah I know that , tell me something I don’t know –it is so hard to listen to something that is obviously true – you tune out and turn off

·         But the question is not whether or not it is true but  “ do you live with that truth” or not

·         Many people, a lot of the time are not living with the idea that the measure of man is how he really acts at home –behind closed doors when no-one is looking

·         Don’t judge him until you are able to see him at home with his wife, husband, siblings and children

·         So why do people often act better to others outside of the home than the people who give them unconditional love?

·         The need for honor, approval, recognition, affirmation, validation, to be liked, to be beloved,

·         I need and want these “others” outside of this house to help me know that I am truly great, I am truly worthwhile, I am truly awesome

·         But I can’t do it myself, I desperately need your help “the people outside of the house ” to fill that whole inside

·         The bigger the whole inside, the more I don’t believe that I am great the more I need you

·         If our hole is too great – not only do I not believe myself, but I know that you in the household don’t believe in me either.

·         And if the hole isn’t too great –my household they don’t really count – they aren’t objective - of course that’s how they feel good about me but it isn’t necessarily true

·         But if I know that I am good – really good – I accept myself – feel good about myself –I don’t need a whole lot of verification from the outside to complete me
·         And then…..I can focus on you –others in the house.  In fact there seems to be a general and direct correlation so often that those who crave so much honor, recognition, admiration and fame from the outside, all that craving for self completion

·         the worse I do in my home with my wife, husband, children and siblings,  

·         And the worse thing about it – is that the more you crave, even when get the validation from the outside, you don’t wind up believing it either

·         And how hideous - You wind up sacrificing the relationships and the people that you hold most sacred for the illusion of self completion that you are seeking in desperation

·         The answer is inside of us – to see our true beauty, true magnificence, our spark is none other than God himself –Like Yoel

·         When we can feel good about ourselves like Yoel – we won’t miss the opportunities in our lives to make the people in our lives to feel valued, strong and loved

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