Shoshie's Eulogy

Many Have Asked - A written copy of my eulogy for Shoshie - April 16th -2013 - If you haven't heard the Eulogies and you want to send me an email (rabbiwithoutwalls@gmail.com)

* How does a father and a mother say goodbye to a daughter?

• How does one find words when there are none? Or they just don’t mean anything?

• How are we going to sit around the shabbos table, drive in car or experience a yom tov without our Shoshie?

• How are we going to pick up the pieces and where are we going to go from here? I can’t say I know the answers to these questions.

• In fact, since Sunday evening, I don’t know much as I can’t think clearly.

• But there is one thing I do know and that is what I want to share with you because it is what gives me and us the strength to go forward.

• What I do know is that at 12 years old, our daughter Shoshie got it. She embodied what life is all about. What do I mean?

• Every parent has a value system, a set of beliefs, and principles that they care about and that they hope and pray they can inculcate them into their children.

• Some are successful and others are not. Some can look back in life at their adult children who have children of their own and say they ‘get it,’ and others give up hope and stop trying.

• For our family, the most important value that Denise and I try to live and model is to affirm, validate and treasure every person we meet.

• And that every individual is created b’tzelem Elokim and therefore there is something to love in everyone and that they are worthy of love.

• In a world where so many people criticize, marginalize, condemn, and gossip about others And thereby trying to lift themselves up by putting others down

• We hope to teach our children that our job is to bring joy to others, to treat them with kindness and to see the good in everybody.

• Well, at 12 years old, Shoshie ‘got it’ and then some. She gave so much joy in her own unique Shoshie way.

• Shoshie got what unfortunately many 30 and 40 and 60 and 70 year olds never get.

• Shoshie was an incredible Neshama. Shoshie was a bright light of care, concern, sensitivity, kindness, and love. She was funny, fun-loving, affectionate, cheerful, good natured, beautiful, wholesome, and pure.

• Sure, she had her idiosyncrasies and Shoshi’isms, but that is exactly what gave her great chain, charisma and charm and it is what will make us miss her more than words can possibly say.

• Shoshie was the very definition of a pure Neshama. She was a bright light in people’s lives.

• She made others feel so good and happy. Our daughter Shoshie, absolutely ‘got it.’ She was a joy, a pleasure and a blessing to have as a child.

• She provided us incredible nachas and no trouble at all. In fact, that is not an exaggeration. She was so good, that we wondered what was the matter, why does she not give us grief? She never did give us grief, and that is why we are grieving so badly for the loss of our special Neshama.

• Although Shoshie was close with and beloved to each of our children, but none more than her big sister and best friend in the world – Dvori.

• When Devori was born, we davened that Hashem provide her with a partner, a sister with whom she could be close.

• Hashem answered our prayers and indeed, they were the absolute best of friends, they went everywhere together and experienced everything as one.

• It can’t be a coincidence that she has left this world during time of Sefirah. As we count the omer each day, we remember Rebbe Akiva’s monumental loss of thousands of students who died.

• The gemara tells us the cause of their calamity was she’lo nahagu kavod zeh la’zeh, they simply didn’t show enough respect to one another and didn’t value as much as they could the unique and special Neshama inherit in every person.

• Can you imagine that Shoshie ‘got’ what Rebbe Akiva’s students didn’t? At 12 years old, Shoshie was full of life, respect for others, joy, goodness, kindness and love.

• Could there be a greater nachas for a mother and father than knowing their daughter ‘got it?’

• Shoshie wasn’t into “as Devori would say a “DMC” a deep meaningful conversation and certainly didn’t appear to me that she was pondering the purpose of life.

• Yet, without even realizing it, at 12 years old Shoshie understood what life is all about. It wasn’t hard for her at all

• The Rambam describes love as coming from knowing good. We love God when we study Him and see His goodness.

• We love other people when we pause to recognize the good about them and we are attracted to it.
• Shoshie saw people essentially as good and others saw the goodness in her.

• Moshe, Yossi, Devori – you are experts at seeing the good in others I am so proud of you

• Mom, I never thought I would have in common with you what it feels like to lose a child. When my brother died you taught us perseverance and strength

• And I know we will get through this together, because that is exactly what Shoshie would want.

• She would want us to continue to laugh, to have fun, to be positive, maybe to do it in a Shoshie style and to not allow anything to disconnect us from others.

• We are so moved by the support and love of everyone in this room and from all over the country and world. We know that right now we are the focus of people’s thoughts and prayers and we truly appreciate it. But I have two requests for each of you.

• We aren’t angry….. well Denise is and we aren’t questioning… maybe we are a little.. But we are simply hurting and hurting badly.

• If you want to give us comfort, take a moment and write a story, a memory, and an experience about Shoshie and share it with us. Let us know how she touched your life.

• Secondly, if you want to provide comfort to us, and if you want to help Shoshie’s Neshama, walk away from today and be a little more like Shoshie. Fill the world with joy, laughter, brightness, goodkeit, love, and be a special neshama.

• Shoshie was born on a Shabbos. Shabbos is mei’ein olam ha’bah, a taste of the world to come. Well, only a short 12 years later, Shoshie has gone from a taste of the world to come to the full thing.

• Shoshie – we will miss you in ways that can never be described. Our hearts are broken and our family will forever be incomplete.

• We will never stop thinking of you and we will never stop trying to be just a little bit more like you.