Jan 2nd in Boca- Talk

“When the Ordinary becomes the Extraordinary”

      Rabbi Mike Stern - In memory of Shoshie Stern a’h

       January 2^nd , Thursday Night 8:00 p.m. at BRS

Rabbi Mike Stern will share inspiring lessons learned  

from the life of Shoshie Stern a’h –

The subsequent reaction after Shoshie’s Petira about who

Shoshie Stern was in her life time and her impact on people

far exceeded what we as her parents understood and saw.

Do we really know who we are married to and who our children are?

What is blocking us from seeing each other as to who we truly are?

How to truly see each other’s greatness; that is already there.

BRS is at 7900 N. Montoya Circle, Boca Raton, FL 33433

Spreading Shoshie's Light in Yerushalayim

Just got back from visiting Shoshie's older brothers both learning in Eretz Hakodesh
While I was there I merited to share a talk ("When the Ordinary becomes Extraordinary" ) about how Shoshie has inspired our family in 3 different Yeshiva programs.

Ohr Somayach's - Chai Israel program - about 50 - 18 year olds (Moshe's program)
Aish HaTorah's Gesher & Intermediate programs - about 40 kids ages 18-22
Yeshiva Imrei Bina (Yossi's school) 50-60 - 18 year olds
Rabbaim also there too.

The essential message was for us to truly see each others greatness and not get caught up in things about the person (their attractiveness, popularity, life style, frum or not very frum) - Everyone is worth validation, affirmation, love and respect. Learn how to to see each others virtues as one and the same as who they truly are.

I will be speaking soon in Boca on this topic- details soon
In the meanwhile - let's love each other and keep Shoshieing

Today is Shoshie's Birthday

We remain in darkness. It's not possible for us to fathom how Hashem writes this kind of loss in the script of life. The loss of Shoshie or anyone for that matter, G-d forbid should not be in vain. Please G-d Shoshie's memory should motivate us to live life more as a light to ourselves and others and bring more love, togetherness, fun, peace and genuine brotherhood amongst all of us- no matter, what school we go to, what Shul we daven in, how frum we perform our Mitzvot, how snius our clothing is, how popular, beautiful and "in" someone is.

Shoshie saw you- not something about you. She loved you.....not something about you. She was in the moment - oh so engaged in life-so much fun -so full of radiance, joy so there -----Her presence is oh so missing. A hole that can't be filled, patched by anyone or anything. We need to fill it -the way Shoshie would fill it.

Do something that is full of "life" today with someone you love - even something simple- Get the big size Slurpee, Make Chinese noodles with the peanut butter sauce, fill your entire mouth with a soup sized spoon of mashed potatoes, throw a dodge ball at 90 MPH in the house at your little brother, skateboard over to the store and go get your mother stuff, stop by your neighbor say hi, drink your older brother's specially hidden Gatorade (then deny it). And if it rains -go play in it

Our love and faith in Hashem hasn't dimmed. We beseech him for insight, understanding and wisdom as to how to move forward. May we see a day where we are reunited with Shoshie in this world and may the world at that time know no more pain, sickness, or anything bad or evil.

Our family thanks you for your love
Please Keep Shoshieing

Love
Mike

Don't be a "Jewish Unity" fraud!

Don’t be a “Jewish Unity” – Fraud

If I had a dollar for every time I have listened to someone who loudly professes and

primarily demonstrates, a strong conviction and feeling of a love for all Jews; but in the

same conversation denigrates a sliver/part/group of the Jewish people that doesn’t

measure up to their sensibilities, I would be very wealthy.

It’s amazing- it is almost to the degree that someone shows their love for Jewish people

they shtup in something derogatory about some group-unaware.

It seems to me that we have to think of the Jewish people as a whole entity-as one

like we think of our children. If someone would say something derogatory about our

child that would pain us very much. We would rush to judge favorably. You certainly

wouldn’t just sit there and listen.  

How much could you really love the Jewish people if you serendipitously say negative

things about any part of the group for no apparent benefit.  Wouldn’t it hurt them to say

something negative about their own child? The only scenario that you say something about

your child is when the person you are talking to can be helpful in some way – to do something

about the current situation.  Otherwise, your negative comments are just giving you an

illusionary feeling of superiority.

Don’t talk badly about any part of the Jewish people for nothing.

It should pain you if you do. If you do care so much that you have to do something

For the people you are speaking badly about

The Jewish people are “one” – Every group is a leg or an arm of yours.

I think I’ll keep it unless its gang green. I will do everything I can to help make my arms healthy.

Don’t be a fraud and profess love for your brothers and then denigrate them

Happy Chanukah and Good Shabbos

Dear Friends

I was fortunate to have had the opportunity to give 2 talks on the topic of "When the Ordinary becomes the Extraordinary" in the merit and memory of Shoshie a'h at the girls High Schools in Philly (KTA) and Milwaukee(TAM) in the past 2 weeks.

This talk, gleaned from lessons about the life of Shoshie Stern shows us a pathway of how to truly see the greatness in each other so we can bring more respect, peace and unity into our families, schools and community. I will have a recording soon.

In the meantime, many have asked me for my notes. I will send along the talk in installments.

I am booking my schedule for February right now. A generous donation has made it quite affordable to bring me to your city.

All the best
Mike

P.S Remember the 3 Shoshie rules; give up your seat, look out for the next person and make peace -

Chai Lifeline Shabbaton for Bereaved Parents this coming Shabbos
They asked me to speak at Lunch - Not a clue as to what to say.
The following is a very raw rambling of my attempt to write


I was asked to say a few words at this festive meal for a few reasons – 1) You already know why my wife and I are here, 2) I do speak a lot and have spoken a few times about what lessons I have learned from the tragedy and lastly I am pretty much never at a loss for words – so I said “sure”

•    As much as I tried to figure out what I thought might be helpful to convey to everyone here – I couldn’t think of one thing

•    I could speak to an audience that hasn’t necessarily experienced what we have but us?

•    You know, even when people tried to comfort me and said “there are no words” as well meaning as they tried to be –those words of “there are no words” felt so hollow, so contrived, so…. Not comforting- I was in too much pain to hear any word.

•    So what I could say here today?

•    Even when someone shared with us that they had experienced the same tragedy I was like in my mind “ you know I can’t take this- all my compassion and mercy is already used up for me and my family –telling me about your child is a burden for me

•    Even if you are not alone in your life - I do have to say that there is such  an acute feeling of existential loneliness- certainly if you are shouldering this completely alone - one feels totally alone,

•    So alone if there isn’t anyone who understands you, if there isn’t anyone who can really care just exactly how you are feeling, if there isn't anyone who can experience the thoughts you have just as you have experienced them

•    At some point most people yell out to the heavens and say “I’m so alone” – and sometimes as much as you might have a partner who would like to share “your” pain –they just can’t.

•    Seemingly they just can’t get on the same page as you and completely lift your burden

•    And you just can’t blame them at all – they can only do the very best they can – they are so totally innocent – reacting to only what just comes to their mind –limited as to their thoughts –a prisoner of their own constraints and pain

•    So much so you sometimes can see their pain and come to a realization as to just how lonely they are – and wow what they must be feeling-oyyyyy- Until you engender your feelings for them

•    “I feel so badly for them-my spouse- my partner- and just sometimes at that moment of love and compassion for them – my own loneliness –for just a moment –maybe more disappears

•    But even when not in your own compassion – just realizing that they are doing just the very best they can –can take the sharp edge of the anger of feeling so alone –

•    the sharp edge of your being critical and judgmental of your partner and spouse and forgiving of the fact that that your partner and spouse is doing little to alleviate your pain

•    Nothing is perfect- I can’t have someone totally on my page- taking care of the depth of agony that I feel, they can’t (no matter how close you are with your spouse)  take care of my feeling so lost, so confused

•    But hopefully I do have someone in my life that shares my very same loss –our daughter- and  while not my whole page can my spouse share

•    She is the only one who is going through the same agony and terror albeit in a different way and in that there is an opportunity (if you can reign your criticalness and judgmental-ness) 

•    To further create an indelible, unbreakable bond that only he/she can do- that is deeper than every before the loss –

•    Even with a vulnerable -bare – a brief acknowledgement that I too am am my own living hell from a common place - a common source - and in my own way, which is only what I can do am I sharing this experience with you.

•    And in that maybe, perhaps your immense yoke can ease  a little bit and your spouse and in that way your spouse can become a source of comfort in a way that no-one else can possibly do

•    This was all – that I have absolutely nothing to say to all of you that I think would be helpful –

•    I could share something that I have found to be helpful to me

A Must Read! Devori Stern’s (15 yrs old) Talk in Bais Yaakov –In memory –Shoshie a’h

Devori has been chosen to be the 10^th grade representative at Bais

Yaakov for the high school “Mishmeret” program. This program of the

Chofet Chaim foundation has been chosen as a way of educating and

Inspiring the girls not to speak Loshon Hara (negative, hurtful and derogatory

Speech) which is a serious prohibition of our Torah. The following is Devori’s

Talk this past week to the entire high school to kick off this year’s program.

Did I mention that this year’s entire program is dedicated in the memory of

Our beloved Shoshana Rachel bas Elimelech –may her memory be for a blessing.

Good Afternoon

Loshon hara is a very lowly thing that mostly hurts ourselves. Every time  you

Speak Loshon Hara you are hurting yourself more than the person that you

Are talking about. Every time you speak Loshon Hara you are sprinkling a

Little bit of dirt on your Neshama (soul). Most times that we speak Loshon Hara

It is because of our own insecurities and not because of anything else.

Let me give you an example. You have a terrible voice, you literally sound like a

cow when you say Modeh Ahni ( aprayer). Now this girl Sarah is an amazing singer!

She can do solos, harmony  and pretty much do anything with her voice. So Sarah

Is chosen to have the big solo part in the play. She messes up on one word. You

consider yourself “a music critic” and you go around and say “OMG –did you see Sarah?

She totally messed up the solo? You don’t even realize that it came from your own

Insecurity.

Does this make you really feel good? Does this really help you? The answer is no! You

Are only hurting yourself, you are trying to make your own insecurities go away! Sarah

Might have made a mistake but the one that is getting hurt is you, the one who is getting

An avira (sin) is you!

So let me ask you a question: When next Yom Kippur comes and Hashem wants to forgive

You for all of your actions. How is he going to do that? When it comes to Loshon Hara and

speaking about others Hashem can’t forgive you only the person you spoke Loshon hara

about.  I don’t think she is going to like it when you tell her uummmm that you spoke Loshon

hara about her and you are sorry. She is not going to be so forgiving. Are you going to

remember all the times in the year when you spoke Loshon Hara? No! So how is Hashem

going to forgive you?

Not to mention that if you speak Loshon Hara, and you are a gossiper

Hashem will have a hard time forgiving you himself ………….. I mean you are going around

And speaking badly about his children. K…… so why speak it? Cuz it makes you feel good?

2 get her back?.............cuz it is tempting…….. it is not worth it! I mean we all make mistakes

But we can all try to be more careful in the way that we speak toward and about each other.

We can all take upon ourselves a time in the day not to speak Loshon Hara, to be extra,

super careful. Do it with your friends, make it fun………….. it’s not nerdy. I mean come on

am I nerdy?

I’ll even tell you the best part we are doing it in honor of Shoshie Stern a ‘h –my sister.

As we all know, Shoshie was and still is a fun, bright, bubbly, sweet girl…… who spoke

With mostly all positive words and speech. Shoshie always tried to be nice to every single

Person and not to speak bad of anyone. It would mean so much to me, my family and I am

sure a million times more times to Shoshie to participate in Mishmeret, in her name, in her

memory to elevate her Neshama.

So lastly, I just wanted to express gratitude to Bais Yaakov for giving us an environment

Where we all feel comfy to be who you are and not feel judged when we want to grow and

Prosper. Lastly………..

Be Positive and Keep Shoshieing!