Creating Yourself – More than Picking up the Dirty Laundry from the floor

One could think that the purpose of our lives is to fulfill the 613 commandments;

those that we do daily and those that come up when the opportunity and season demands.

That though might seem to suggest that the Mitzvot as a whole are unrelated together.

There must be a goal for ourselves in all this – Mitzvahs are here for each and every one of us

to build and create our own unique soul according to its needs, challenges and mission.

The Mitzvahs aren’t the goal – they are here to help you accomplish your soul’s mission.

What is your souls mission? Then I will have a better idea of fulfilling the Mitzvos in a more

organized and structured form to build and create myself.

Could it be that the sole purpose of my life is to be an order taker without thought as to how

to take an active role in understanding why I am here? What does the Almighty expect of me?

Why did he send me down here? It must be the Almighty’s orders are helping me to accomplish

Something for myself (my purpose) and what the Almighty wants for me.

The same difference is the following – I could do everything my wife asks me to do including

picking up my dirty from the floor and I would be considered a wonderful husband …sort of!

Is that really in the end of the day make me a satisfying spouse for her. Certainly there are

certain things that if I did them would give her really great pleasure and all the more so if

I did them not as some to do list that must be checked off. Like bringing her flowers on Tuesday

as a  surprise as oppose  to always bringing her flowers right before Shabbos. But is that it?

Is that the ultimate nachas for her?

No! – There is going to be an area where she lacks, she needs, she wants- and she needs you to

care about it, care about it because she cares about it –and she wants you to attend to it –

do it – do it all the time. It’s something that you think she could do herself, and why does she need

you and you feel totally put upon – and it’s not just once you have to attend to this (and you find that

silly) but over and over again.

It could be that this one area of her insecurity is your sum total of how to be the most outstanding husband

that will make the entire marriage. Caring for her about this time and time again will spill over to everywhere

where you both can be found. It is this one are that you have found your purpose of your marriage.

Becoming great in this area will give her the greatest source of love and nachas.

Same is with our souls – that come down here to create and build ourselves. It’s not just what Mitzvah

opportunity comes my way but which Mitzvos are here to build my soul in which way. How am I supposed

to develop myself> which Mitzvos do I need to proactively concentrate on? And how do I give the Almighty

the most nachas?

  

A thought as to the truth of “The more that I possess the less that I own”

The more I possess – the more likely that those things that I possess begin to  

Create an identity, persona and image of who I am. And that becomes the currency of

How others perceive me and eventually how I perceive myself. Stuff brings us attention,

validation, affirmation, recognition, and honor. It isn’t long until we turn ourselves in and out

to have the things, say the things and do the things – to continue the “created image” IV-drip.

Eventually, I lose who I am to whom do you want me to be. Eventually – the cry of soul emerges

as we literally experience the truth of the statement “I am looking for myself” – it has become

lost in my stuff. I do not “own” myself any more.

NCSY-Boca Sept 15th - Orly Ohayon -Rabbi Mike

Yes…..We are totally sick to our stomachs  ………with this tragic accident resulting in the loss of Mrs Esther Ohayon and leaving Orly  critical condition – as an orphan All of us are reeling ……..from this devastating blow to Orly, Esther’s family, the Ohayon families, friends, co-workers,

The Jewish communities of Jacksonville, Boca, ourselves, and all those directly connected to this tragedy as well as and all of Klal Yisroel. It absolutely hurts so much, so painful when things like these occur …. Oy……to a girl and family like this ….. so good

Especially when so many of us, so many people are so connected to this family that we see so much beauty in them  We Grieve – We are so vulnerable – if it happens to people like these……Jittery, nervous, …….what is going to happen next?

So many real and challenging questions come to mind – you know the ones that Rabbi’s have to respond “that God says your thoughts are not my thoughts” So many conscious questions right in front of our faces …….and so many subconscious questions forming as skeletons in psyches

But -Nevertheless, although these questions must be asked and faced….the truth is …. Is that now is not the time to try to address these very real & important big questions -That are indeed are critical and essential for our personal relationship with God and our Avodas Hashem

Not now, when our heads are filled with such confusion; we are bewildered upset, weary from one tragic event after another -At a time like this our heads are like those plastic dome shaped winter wonderlands they sell in Manhattan around x-mas time  – you shake them, snow is flying everywhere, visibility zero-all you can see is the snow

We have to let the snow settle – let our mind settle -so we can see- clearly – get to a calm place – Tonight we find ourselves in the middle of a war…joined all together tonight in the firing lines

When the Israeli troops have already entered the firing lines in Gaza to face Hamas that is not the time for questions like why are in this war, what are we trying to accomplish

When it’s time to fight  -it’s time to rely on your basic training, your commanders, the foundation that your families gave you, upon the shoulders of prior generations

These were the absolute keys for my wife and myself in dealing with the loss of Shoshie a’h – our training in Yeshiva, Our Rabbi’s, our families –the jewish people

We couldn’t think –not in the midst of the battle of dealing with the tragedy of Shoshie’s loss

At times like these we need to hop onto the shoulders of generations upon generations of the Jewish people- spanning thousands of years -Who while facing a long history of great tragedies – inevitably met the challenges of continuing to see God’s goodness, God’s love, God’s continued direct guiding hand and personal involvement in our lives despite everything that has happened throughout our history

Yes, it is true that in order to be positive, move forward and to do something constructive, we need to form a bit of perspective, to seek understanding, a way to think about it, and a measure of comfort but all for the sake of

Responding and being helpful to Orly or anyone facing illness, crises at this time in an effective, helpful and intelligent way. In a way calm way. We need to do this for ourselves too 

Note! Shema Yisroel Hashem Elokainu Hashem Echad! Teache us that Hashem is 1- Hashem is all –there is nothing that doesn’t exist within

Gd at every given moment. Even us –moment to moment-every breath. God continues to give us life-every moment in a completely loving selfless, altruistic loving way.

Yet the paradox of all paradoxes -God has placed us a world of concealment – a darkness – it’s the worlds –hide and go seek game – where we have to find (illuminate)god within the world of the mundane, ordinary and ho-hum everyday existence.

It is precisely a time like this, a tragedy – where the curtain that normally conceals the day to day ho-hum of existence of life is exposed and day to day mundane life is exposed as a shallow replica of real “life”-ho-hum existence is s pushed aside –

We are faced with real life - And we are left with this overwhelming dread that makes us totally alive in every way, more awake than ever, God doesn’t seem to be absent right now but seems to be is more present at a time like this demanding us to find and strive for meaning, significance and truth

I found the problem through Shoshie’s Petira not to be not “Where is god”? – But god is in my face –like a fish who hadn’t known that he was he was ever in water –but all of sudden taken out to dry land. Realizing that every second depends upon water

God is challenging us through this tragedy to not only further define “life”, our lives, and what is life all about? But challenges us to develop -a God consciousness that permeates our entire lives and leaves us with the clarity- that we must respond with light, love, laughter, goodness, compassion, mercy, righteousness, -Fight God’s fight

All of darkness, wrong, falsehood, evil – all exist only for us to choose to stand up to it, fight it -push it aside- We are here to choose life.

God has all of our attention – what do you want to do? It’s a shame that such innocence has to be challenged at such an early age but it seems like that is the plan

We know what can help Orly, Mrs Ohayon – Tzeduckah, Chesed, & Torah – but 1 step at a time

Those who want to be there for Orly – and other families who have other major challenges such as illness – I can say that from our experience-

To be there but don’t be there – don’t ask what you can do – just be around and ask if you can be helpful –

Don’t say too much – wait for the person’s lead – see if they want to talk, see what they want to talk about, how much they want to talk-Don’t pity show support- I’m so proud to be a part of all of you

Joy will never let us down- it is when we are at our best- we can help the most

Wasting Time – Suicide on an Installment Plan

Rabbi Noach Weinberg ztl used to say that wasting time was (gd forbid) suicide on an installment plan – after all what is more precious time or money? My kids told me of a futuristic movie last year where the only currency there was in the world was time. People bought, sold and traded their time. Once your time (currency) ran out your life was over. You were always aware of how much time you have left- you knew that at every moment you had to focus on what was most important period! Time is our most precious commodity but it for sure it the thing that we most take for granted. It is all we truly have to give to one another that makes the most impact.

Rabbi Weinberg tells of a person who is on a bus and every few seconds he throws a dollar bill out the window.You look at him incredibly- what a meshugunah- He’s crazy – Every few seconds he throws out more money. But the most amazing thing hasn’t happened yet. Finally when the bus stops and he has thrown out hundredsAnd hundreds of dollars- he turns to you and says “Can I borrow some money”?

This is what it means when we waste our time (as if we throw away money) and turn around and ask God for more time. Why should he want to give it to you? What are we doing with it?

Yom Kippur: Being with each other as on our wedding night

When you do something not consistent with the will of God (mistake-sin) or you trespass on the relationship with your spouse – You might think that everything can be rectified by a heart- felt “I’m sorry” from you. But if you look into more deeply, even if they “forgive” you –you have created distance in the relationship. When you feel that someone has trespassed on your relationship, you feel insult, injury – a feeling of “if you truly loved me you never would have done or said such a thing” – Even if they say “sorry” it’s extremely difficult to necessarily feel the same warmth and closeness with them.  

Yom Kippur is helping us to accomplish 2 things – 1^st we say we are sorry to Hashem please forgive us –as important is our desire to feel close with him – again- with a full heart – like a bride and groom in their wedding week before they really find out about each other. Before any insult, hurt, trespass. We as human beings need to clear our accounts with those who are closest to us – as if nothing ever negative happened between us. Resentment –poisons the soul-poisons our thoughts –distorts the perception of who we are married too.

No matter how much we have trespassed against Hashem – no matter how much distance we have created Between us and him – On Yom Kippur he takes us back to him – He gaps the entire distance- he bring us Close to him as possible – if we cleave to him for a full heart. There is not one iota of holding out on Hashem’s Part.

Let’s do the same with our spouse – take them back- a full heart – gap the distance- no misgiving about it. Throw your roller desk of complaints out about him/her – get rid of your list -come clean – May we all be Re-united with our spouses as if on our wedding day and may Hashem see all of us do that- and in kind- No doubt Moshiach would come

Have an easy fast