A Moral Dilemma for the Shabbos Table -

"Following through with what comes out of your mouth"

Each Friday I will send one out from my friend R. Yitz Weiner

This week’s Torah portion discuses the Mitzva of nedarim, of keeping a vow or a promise that one has made. The Torah teaches that it is very important to keep the nedarim that one makes, and it is seen as a very grave sin to violate one’s neder (vow).

 

The following true story explores the limits of keeping a pledge.

Mrs. Evelyn Weinstein was a wealthy woman in her 50’s. One day she started to have severe abdominal pressure and pain. The pain lasted several days. Evelyn scheduled an appointment with her doctor who soon referred her to a specialist. Her doctor gave her blood tests, an ultra sound and an MRI. Three days late the

doctor called her with very serious news. He told her that she had an aggressive form of ovarian cancer. He suggested that they schedule a surgery as soon possible. Evelyn was extremely anxious and worried. She understood that our sages teach,

that the merit of charity can save from death, and she immediately resolved to make a substantial contribution to charity. She called the head of a Jewish school that she made annual donations to. She told him about her prognosis, and she pledged that if her cancer was totally cured, she would give an additional $50,000 of charity to the school. In truth, that much money was a stretch for her, but she felt that it would be a powerful merit for a successful outcome.

Several days later, before the surgery was to be performed, Evelyn’s doctor ran another battery of tests and exams. To his great surprise, the tests all came up clean. After running

more tests it became clear that it was a false positive, and Evelyn never had cancer in the first palace. Evelyn was of course extremely relived.

After the excitement died down, she drove by the school and remembered the promise of $50,000 she made to the school. But she wondered if she was obligated to give the $50,000 to charity. On one hand she made the pledge. But on the other hand, she made the pledge conditional on being cured from cancer. She never had cancer in the first place and was never cured from it.

The $50,000 was not an easy donation for her. Does Evelyn have an obligation to give the $50,000 in this case?

What do you think?

greenspeech

Parshas Zachor 2015

Parshas Zachor – Devarim 25:17-19 – This Shabbos

Parshas Tetzaveh usually precedes Purim, when we read the "maftir" portion describing how Amalek attacked the Jewish people as they left Egypt - even though Amalek lived in a distant land and was under no imminent threat. So why did Amalek attack?

The Torah says that Amalek attacked the Jews "karcha" - which literally means by way of happenstance. Amalek's entire philosophy is that there is no design or providence in the world.
Everything is haphazard, dictated by chance, luck and fate. That's why Haman, a direct descendent of Amalek, decided to kill the Jews based on a lottery, from which the name "Purim" is derived.

Philosophically, Amalek and the Jewish people stand at opposite ends of the spectrum. Judaism believes that the world has purpose and meaning, and that God is intimately involved in our lives. Indeed, that is the very lesson of Purim: Even when things seems bleak, God is there, guiding events. With Haman's decree, it seemed that the Jews were doomed. But then there was a dramatic turnabout.

In our own lives, to the extent we may doubt God's involvement, is the extent that Amalek's philosophy of randomness is part of us. The Kabbalists point out the numerical value of Amalek -- 240 -- is the same as safek, meaning "doubt." The energy of Amalek is to create doubts about what is true and real in this world, and of God's role in directing events in the best possible way. This concept is so important that one of 613 mitzvot is to remember what Amalek did. And that's what we do, every year, on the Shabbat before Purim. So let's take this message to heart, and do our part - to fight Amalek's idea of a random world.

Are Step Parents and Adoptive Parents - Real Parents?

‘Whoever raises another’s child in his house, the Scripture considers it as though he had given birth to him.’ (Megila 13a)

In Judaism step parents are just as much the real deal as birth parents.

Because being a parent is not about the fact that your son or daughter carries your DNA. Rather, it’s about caring for, loving and nurturing a child.

Whoever does so is the child’s true parent.

‘Great is labor for it honors the laborer.

‘Great is labor for it honors the laborer.’ - Gemara (Nedarim 49b)

There is something very special about changing a flat tire or building an IKEA cupboard.

Paying someone to do it for you may save time, but you miss out on the very unique pleasure that the Talmud refers to here.

‘Laboring’ is something very special.

Don’t pass up on it unless you genuinely have something more important to do

‘If there is no flour, there is no wisdom.’ (Avos 3:21)

The world does not run purely on spiritual fuel.

We need to eat also.

And if there is no food (or warmth, or shelter, or health etc), there will be no means for spiritual accomplishment either.

Physicality is spirituality if its purpose is for the sake of the latter

‘If a person sees that suffering befalls him ......

He should examine his deeds.’ (Berachos 5a)

Just like the physical world, Judaism believes in a cause-effect spiritual world also.

If things aren’t going well in life, likely it’s a manifestation of a spiritual malaise. (could be some correction needed from a prior life)

Nevertheless, the Rabbis tell us that this is the first place to look.

Examine your deeds and see if you are living up to your own values and standards. If not, take the opportunity to make a change.

Is there a Reward for Good Deeds in this World? Part 2

There is no worldly reward for good deeds.’ (Kiddushin 39b)

Imagine that a mother runs into a burning building to save her baby. As she comes out, you give her $100 reward for saving the child. She would be insulted.

The reward of good is the feeling of good itself. Any material reward only demeans the act.

So there is no worldly reward for good deeds – because we human beings are hard-wired in truth not to want it.

Feeling depressed - do something good for some one else - it is its own reward.

Is there a Reward for Good Deeds in this World?

Is there a Reward for Good Deeds in this World?

There is no worldly reward for good deeds.’ (Kiddushin 39b)

Judaism believes that the essence of ‘reward’ for good deeds is in the World to Come.

We live in a world that does not have a great deal of respect for good deeds.

But once we move on, for eternity, good will be the only currency

Don't be fooled by a simple idea

Don't get fooled by a "simple" idea or talk - Drink it in!

‘A person should always teach his students in a succinct way.’ (Chullin 63b)

People are often impressed by a lecturer who can build sophisticated concepts starting with simple ideas.

That does nothing for me.

I believe that a great educator takes sophisticated concepts – and makes them really simple for people.

He may not sound as clever, but he is helping people a great deal more

Visiting the Sick - Accomplishes a great Thing!

‘Whoever visits the sick takes away one sixtieth of his illness.’ (Nedarim 40a)

If you’ve been sick, you know how lonely it can be.

You have way too much time to feel sorry for yourself and think about how no one cares about you.

And that usually makes you feel worse.

Visiting lightens the burden of that thinking and takes away some of the pain and helps lighten up a life

Green Speech #34 - Sticks and Stones ........etc - True or False?

Another type of forbidden speech explicitly forbidden by the Torah is— ona’as devarim (hurting people with words), verbal abuse.

Only recently in social work and psychology has society come to recognize a fact which the Jewish people have known since the Torah was given: words can hurt — and they can hurt a lot; sometimes even more than physical abuse.

Alcohol good for Wisdom?

Alcohol good for Wisdom?

‘Whoever retains a clear mind under the influence of wine possesses the qualities of the seventy elders.’ (Eruvin 65a)

This is not suggesting that it’s fine to get drunk. We Jews only get drunk once a year on Purim (which is coming up soon J).

Rather it means that a spiritually developed human being has the wherewithal to maintain a level of underlying consciousness even when seriously impaired by alcohol

Green Speech #33

Green Speech #33 –Loshon Hara Causes Unnecessary Fights
In general, don't repeat what Someone else said

The president of a school is unhappy with the executive director’s efforts in an unsuccessful school function. He conveys his feelings to a board member who relates the conversation to the executive director. The executive director responds furiously: “He said that the event was a failure because of me? He is the one who never attended any meetings!”

The board member wastes no time in reporting this response to the president. The president sends the volleyball of blame over the net by saying, “I never came to the meetings because he never called me to confirm them!” The executive director then sends the ball back by saying that if the school would hire a secretary for him, then there would finally be someone who had the time to confirm appointments and meetings.

Before anyone realizes what is happening, the disagreement has snowballed into a full-scale machlokes, all because of one small sentence that should not have been repeated, and certainly not to the subject of the comment.

Rechilus is the name given for gossip - saying something over what someone else said or did. It is in the broader category named Loshon Hara (improper speech) - It causes much fighting.

When this happens a person is transgressing two negative commandments instead of one.

In addition to the sin of loshon hora, he has transgressed the commandment “Do not be like Korach and his assembly” (Bamidbar 17:5) in which the Torah warns us to reject the ways of Korach, who stirred up much strife and controversy against the leadership of Moshe Rabbeinu.

Even a Poor Job Builds Self Respect - #2

‘A person should rather engage in work that is beneath his dignity than rely on charity.’ (Bava Basra 110a)

It often seems, with the welfare system in this country, that people would rather take money from the government than accept a job that does not suit them.

As I explained yesterday, Torah suggests that this is a mistake.

Life might be more comfortable but at the end of the day, human beings simply do not enjoy being takers. In the end of the day it undermines self respect.

Loshon Hara worse than other sins?

Green Speech #32 –

Some Rabbi’s say that in the following way the improper use of words and speech is worse than all other Negative Torah prohibitions. When speaking Loshon Hara the person wasn’t lured by some earthly temptation, It’s not a physical desire, something our bodies are interested in, attracted to –the Torah understands that
we are merely physical beings and takes that into consideration

The improper use of our words and speech there is no physical enjoyment in it. Then why is being done? It is throwing off God’s yoke from us and the expectation that we should guard our mouths. It’s like saying I understand that Hashem commanded me to refrain from Loshon Hara but my own priorities are……

In that way the commandment of  “You shall not desecrate My Holy Name” (Vayikra 22:32) is transgressed It’s like saying that what Hashem says isn’t so important.

Our mission is to sanctify Hashem’s name and in that way the improper use of words and speech negates Our purpose and mission in the word

Speak wisely my friends

Even a Poor Job helps to build Self Respect

‘A person should rather engage in work that is beneath his dignity than rely on charity.’ (Bava Basra 110a)

Earning one’s own living brings a level of self respect that means more than the work itself.

In other words, it doesn’t matter how demeaning a job might be, the fact that it is a job and a person is contributing, makes it less demeaning than relying on the charity of others.

Green Speech #31

Green Speech #31 - We focus on the Faults of Others

When speaking Loshon Hara about another you are usually at that moment focused on the faults of someone else.

The truth is that at that moment it comes out of your mouth you appear smug, haughty and conceited in the eyes of the person you are telling.

When you speak Loshon Hara in a conceited way, a person violates the Torah law of “Be careful less you forget Hashem your God” – Arrogance is the one specific traits which upon all other bad character traits lie.

It is not easy to convey to another how they appear when they are saying something negative about the next guy.  If we saw ourselves on tape of how we really speak about others we would be quite surprised.

If we have to pay the game of finding fault let’s focus on ourselves

Reward

God does not overlook the reward of any human being.’ (Baba Kama 38b) How reward and punishment work in Jewish thinking is quite complex. Suffice to say this, though. Even the most evil person in the world, God still values the good that he does, no matter how small. Rather than being overshadowed by the bad, it stands out as a precious anomaly. Every good decision that every human being makes is of deep and lasting value in the eyes of God.

Get Wiser

And scholars get wiser as they grow older.’ (Shabbos 152a)

This is the converse of yesterday. Scholars are seekers of wisdom. They don't solely rely on yesterdays formula. They seek input, feedback, understanding. Looking to always exchange pieces of their puzzle, getting rid of bad pieces and adding new ones.

Are you holding on dear tight out of insecurity to a puzzle that no longer produces happiness and productivity for you?

And the formula for wisdom is simple – he who seeks will find.

So the older a scholar gets, the more wisdom he will have assimilated and the wiser he will be.